There are...

...a lot of things I will probably never be.
...a lot of things I will try to be.
...a lot of things I will fail to be.

The best I can do is improve upon who I was yesterday, accept my shortcomings and flaws, and put my best foot forward everyday.

This deployment has made my shortcomings and flaws as a parent painfully obvious to me. It's also allowed me to see a different side to our children. I am able to see how sensitive and observant the Ring Leader is; I've always known that he is so sweet and intune with his feelings, but he can articulate how he is feeling, what he wants to do, what frustrates him. I am able to see how loving Stinky is; he really does have the sweetest, kindest soul and despite not even being 2 years old is able to give affection at the perfect time....he can also throw a temper tantrum at the most inopportune time! I am able to see my shortcomings and how I need to improve as a parent, and in all honesty how hard it is to give them that father figure they need. I really hate "go time" which is when the boys get on the ground a just wrestle. I have no desire to be jumped on or punched, I could lie and come up with some nonsense, but at the end of the day, I just don't like it...that is Husband's job!

So we have had one month down in the deployment...I can either continue on the path I am on, during which we will all survive. It won't be awful however at the same time, it won't be great. Or I can do the best I can for these boys and give them everything I help them turn into the best infant, toddler, and preschooler they can be. And also take time for myself, so I don't burn out or get overwhelmed during it all. We will see how it goes...it is my resolve to do the latter, so I can improve upon myself as a mother and a wife.

I begin this self-improvement by finishing cleaning up and putting out the chocolate croissants for breakfast tomorrow...I said I was becoming a better person, not a better eater!

Happy Readings!