Losing my Escape

Husband has been gone a little over a month. Baby has been here for 3 weeks. We were starting to hit our stride, really get into a grove with me, myself, and I manning the reigns! And if I can say so myself, I was doing a good job. Yes, I had my hard days when I just wanted to ignore everyone, when the boys and I could not see eye to eye on anything...but besides my hair looking awful, desperately needing my eyebrows waxed, pedicure cleaned up and looking tired I managed to put a smile on when we left our four protective walls.

Then I lost my escape...the television, access to the ridiculous sitcoms, the dramas, the reality TV shows...how I miss you all!! It didn't really bother me to not have it for the boys. I feel like I was actually starting to use it too much to distract them, especially when I was tired. And by not having the TV has allowed me to get some reading done, get some writing done, look up useless information online(if anyone wants to know the compatibility of my family in regards to the Chinese Animal Calendar...I can let you know!) The downside to not having TV is at night also, it allows me to be alone with my thoughts and my fears...not having my escape there anymore. Instead of vegging out in front of the boob tube I need something to eat up the minutes that make up the night, until the next feeding, or the other boys cry. It makes the house painfully quiet and lonely, acting as a constant reminder that Husband is on his "vacation" putting the world at my fingertips and letting Google take the lead, which is never good. During this week without TV I have found maps, articles, interviews that I probably never would have, blogs from Gold Star Wives - just various aspects of life that make me face the reality and seriousness of the job that Husband does. Without the TV to take the reality out of our world for a brief time, we are forced to deal with our own reality...which isn't always as good as what TV has to offer.

As a lifesaver my TV repairman will be here by Thursday (hopefully!!). My goal is not to resort to the television as quickly once it is repaired...but when reality starts to set in, I will chose the reality of the Real Housewives of New Jersey over mine!

Happy Readings!